I’ve always had a hard time loving my body. Loving my post baby body isn’t just hard. It’s impossible. I feel trapped in a body that isn’t my own. I weigh less than I did when I found out I was pregnant but my body has somehow inflated. I’m squishy and stretched out. None of my clothes fit properly. I’m insecure. I’m embarrassed. I’m uncomfortable being seen.

There is such a pressure to “bounce back” after baby. The topic of weight goes hand in hand with the pregnancy itself. If a woman doesn’t gain weight in her pregnancy she is depriving her baby. If she does than she is letting herself go. There is no way to win.

I gained weight in my pregnancy. I gained 40 pounds in 9 months. I lost all 40 pounds in the 3 months after delivery. I have lost another 10 pounds since then. Even with this, I do not look the same. I do not feel the same. I most certainly did not “bounce back”.

I have a mom-pooch where my daughter lived and was kept safe for 9 months. I have stretch marks where my organs rearranged themselves to grow a human inside of me and then put itself back together again. I have deflated boobs from breastfeeding and nourishing my child. I have a mom-bod.

I gave birth to my daughter less than 8 months ago but I still feel embarrassed and defensive about my weight. I should look the way I used to by this point. Leighton deserves a mom who is better than this.

I could definitely eat better. I could most-certainly work out more (or at all…). But I’m giving myself a pass on those things. At least for now. Because my motivation shouldn’t be to fit societal expectations of what a woman should look like after she has a baby. My motivation shouldn’t be to try to look comparable to my friends who have kids and seem to find all of this much easier than I do. My motivation shouldn’t be a fabricated belief that my 7 month old daughter cares at all about how many rolls I have on my stomach.

I may never look the way I used to. But that doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful. My body did an amazing thing. Hopefully it will again one day. I am proud to be a woman. Our bodies are truly so incredible. So individual. So I am learning to love my beautiful, unique, squishy body. The best I can.

EDIT: Thank you all so much for the positive feedback. I know the best message I can share and what I hope to teach my daughter by example is to cherish the body God gave you. That means treating it with respect. Yes, that includes good nutrition and exercise but, above that, it is loving your body no matter what stage you’re in. Your words have power in them and the way you talk about your body not only impacts the way you feel about yourself but also the way others might view their own bodies.