Yesterday was my husband’s birthday and I made a post on social media about how thankful I am for the people in his life who made him feel loved on his birthday. Some people described the post as me sticking up for my husband who always gets taken advantage of. My intention with this post was actually quite different:

“Today is Chris’s birthday. One of the best and hardest things I have learned in our almost 7 years together is to love the other person how they need to be loved, not necessarily how you need to love. It’s a hard balance. Chris is very go-with-the-flow. Most of his friends have never seen him angry, never heard him say a bad word, never seen him put his foot down. This isnt to say none of his friends have ever made him angry. But that is just not how he loves. He gives. He is the best host you’ll ever find. He will offer our furniture to people if they comment that they like it. He will lower himself down into the mud if it means lifting up a friend or neighbor. He loves BIG. And he asks for nothing in return. It’s easy to see that as him not needing anything in return. I see so many people make that mistake. “It’s just Chris. He wont mind”. Loving Chris the way he needs to be loved is the hardest thing I have ever done because he fights you on it with every turn. Buy him a shirt and he gives it to someone who needs it more. Take him to dinner and he’ll order something he knows you’ll like just so you can have a bite. This quarantine birthday has been really special. Not being able to see his friends is killing my sweet extroverted husband but it is also forcing him to be selfish. A whole weekend where he isnt trying to please anyone else. He can play the video games he never plays. He can nap on the outdoor couch with the dogs. He can just relax and drink whiskey and eat ribs. And most of all, he has been able to see the way his friends and family are coming through to celebrate him even in quarantine. He sees that he is loved BIG. And not because of the things he gives but because of who he is. For just being him. So thank you to everyone who has made my best friend feel so loved today. It meant more than you know.”

My point is to say that the squeaky wheel shouldn’t be the only one to get the grease. Especially in this time, we need to be putting effort into our low maintenance friends too. Some people are very vocal about how they are feeling and what they need. Others are not quite as good at that. For others still, my husband for example, there is nothing that they hate more.

Now I am not saying that the people who are vocal about their needs should be ignored. On the contrary, I applaud anyone who can be that vulnerable and open with their friends on a regular basis. But we can never really know what is going on in someone’s life because, while some can openly share their thoughts and struggles with the people they love, others find it near impossible to so.

During this time of social distancing, I am reminded how quickly life can drastically change. So whether you think someone is struggling or doing okay, tell the people you love that you love them. Put effort into your friendships. And celebrate every person in your life for being uniquely them.

That being said, Chris and I are doing just fine! My introverted personality and stay at home mom status has prepared me for life in quarantine and I am THRIVING. Chris is operating on a post-birthday high and is feeling very loved and appreciated by his friends and family. He misses the outside world but has a job and a to-do list to keep him busy, a baby to keep his spirits up, and zoom meetings and game nights to keep him entertained.

We are both doing our best to love on our friends from a distance and we can’t wait to be out on the world again so we can shower our loved ones with the adoration they all deserve. Love you all!